Thursday, November 20, 2008

I Hate the Past

I have not been myself for at least a year. I left reality behind in pursuit of a dream - a fairytale about star-crossed lovers - that DID NOT exist. I am now left facing a harsh reality where everything I have ever cared about must be rebuilt. Resolutions have been made to face the future and stop living in the past.

Incredibly, my husband has not abandoned me in this. Quite the contrary. He has proven (not that proof was needed) to be the best friend I have and to love me, indeed, for better or for worse. I've never been worse...and it's hard to imagine I could ever do worse.

The future is unclear. Certainly there is no going back to a better time. There is only moving on. There is only starting over. Ultimate challenge needs ultimate determination.

The past year's behavior has left me an empty shell. I have little confidence, a failing identity, a raging obsession that needs stifled, and a WHOLE LOT OF APOLOGIES TO MAKE! This is all my doing and there is no one else to blame. I'll do like I always do and deal with it.

Thanks to everyone for their love and support! You know who you are.

4 comments:

That guy said...

Meh, I think everyone is a little insane til sometime in their thirties.

At least I hope I "sane up" sooner or later.

Either way, I wish the best for the both of you, whatever the circumstances are/were/will be.

This Girl said...

Know its an old post, but i feel you more than you could know. Its much easier to get back there than youd think when youve got peeps who care & love you around. really happy to hear you guys are doing better. But we are all allowed our moments of insanity, and i/we are living proof it can be overcome! There is something to be said for feeling at home in your own skin, just takes some of us a slightly different path to get there.

Make It So said...

Thanks Mindy (you, too, That Guy). You have no idea how much I need to hear that today!

This Girl said...

im feeling ya, some days are just harder than others...ever need an ear Ive got 2 you can use. Like i said, i can relate better than even i care to admit...

 
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